


My Name is Scarlet

by JulienneJc



Series: Canon in a sense of Clan/Gobblers [2]
Category: Clan - Fandom, juliennejc - Fandom
Genre: Canon, F/F, Gen, Idk what my future self will settle on, Not sure if the grades/year of school is canon, Scarlet's diary, Scarlet's journal, The setting of meeting eachother might be changed to collage, dear diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 10:46:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9231371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulienneJc/pseuds/JulienneJc
Summary: This is a look inside Scarlet's personal diary she wrote in while she was younger.





	1. [Page 1]

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Daughter - Medicine on repeat while reading if you want 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sf6mkYz4mx0&list=PLYFTTEqallpnOJzOWks-_ol0kVNS8nxhM&index=43

Dear You,

I don’t know who you are or why you have this journal. I must be dead or something. Perhaps I threw this away. Or forgotten about it. I must don’t care bout 19 year old me, anymore. Maybe I got the help I need. Life’s been hard. It’s not hard like others got it. I don’t want you too think I am poor or something or that I am too arrogant to realize others got the more short of the stick. You can have one crap life and I’m not living one but right now, I need to vent. I am changing. Younger me would love changes but this one, it’s different. It’s not a change you realize, at least for me, all of the sudden. It was more a slow process. Finding all the pieces then sorting them into a puzzle, one at a time. 

Perhaps, I should go back few years? Tell you a bit of my story? I guess I wont tell you all, I mean, I don’t even think you’re interested in hearing my life. SO! Here it goes!

I was always that shy kid in class. The one that doesn’t speak, that doesn’t get called on, that doesn’t get noticed. The one you didn’t knew she was in your class. The girl that lived with the shadows, watching every other kid smiling, laughing. And here I was so scared to even say hi. Even when I did, they usually didn’t understand that I wanted to hang out, that I wanted to have a playdate. We never did. The teachers would help me out once in awhile. They would gather some other students and would have us talk. It never really ended well. The girls were all into princesses and Disney movies. Here I was trying to discuss the theory of mythology and with that they go on bout some Tinkerbell crap. When I tried to explain that faeries aren’t all nice, they sometimes cry. And it ends up with teachers breaking us up. I tried to talk to the boys bout the Ancient Gods, Supernatural creatures and mythical beings but they always get stuck on slaying the dragon for BRAVERY. Manly man must do manly things! 7 year old me, argue back by saying that’s mean and you have no rights on killing something for the fun of it. That ended with me pushed to the ground. My mom didn’t liked me coming home with dirt all on my clothes. I remember her words would terrify my ears. She would yell at me about how different I was, that other girls don’t go home with dirt all over themselves. She would also yell at me to make more friends. Looking back at those memories, I laugh. She told me that I need to get into something more suitable for kids my age. Apparently mythical creatures was not on that list. Arguing back did nothing. Just made more sound waves in the air. In the end I would cry and run up the stairs to my bedroom every time. 

I don’t like being different. I don’t like being alone. And I was both….


	2. [Page 2]

Elementary school was lonely. Really lonely that I started to imagine that I had an orthrus, a two headed dog. I named her, Four Leaf and Clover. When she was happy she would produce Four leaves clovers around her, like in animes when they eat foods with amazing flavors! I would always imagine her around me, protecting me from danger even if the danger was too, all made up in my head. I would have scenarios where a phoenix blasted the whole school with its fiery breath! Burning half of the lunch room! Four Leaf and Clover would run to it and start barking at it. Telling it to stop! They would always make amends and become friends but since the pheonix had short term memory lost, he would always appear the next lunch! I started talking to Four Leaf and Clover like they were actually real. Sometimes I did thought they were real. And that when I got caught. I was doing homework in my room. To be honest I was drawing on the sidelines. But anywho, I got caught and my mom made an appointment to see a therapist. The first time I went, I cried for the whole session. It was tough to talk to someone when you always kept to yourself and your imaginary two-headed dog friend. That sentence didn’t made anyone think I'm crazy, right? Good. 

She suggested I join a group or a club after school. I went to them. Became a member but it was no fun. I didn’t want to be a part of some club that I got no interest in. I felt lonely, lost, out of place. I kept asking myself, why was I in this club? You’re not gonna find friends where you don’t belong and if I do, I didn’t want to be their friend. 

New school time! Elementary school was some lonely place where I tried to be things that I wasn’t. Go humanity! 

6th grade was lonely too, for the most part. Silent 24-7. My mom and I friendship got better. I understood more of the world and my emotions. Learned more words to explain to my mom. She took the time to actually understand some mythology. The therapist made it clear to my mom that she needs to do work too. It was like a couples therapy. Kinda? No, I didn’t mean like that! When I went to therapy now on, my mom would sit in and we would talk. Talk bout interests and sometimes play card games. We would play Taboo. At first it was hard, we would end up yelling at how stupid the other person didn’t guess the correct word. But as the game goes on, we learned how each other’s mind works. I learned my mind thinks in opposites while my mom thinks in similar things. When It was door, I said window. She guessed glass. It was very interesting. My therapist also made it clear that I need to be happy. That we both need to be happy and it’s okay for me being different. This statement took sometime to understand for my mom. But after few sessions, she started to accept that her plans of me being a normal girl and doing normal girl things with her was somewhat out of the picture. This was also the time I got into cosplaying. She thought it was defiantly weird that I would wear a bow tie and a fez to school at time to time when you’re not even allowed to wear hats. But she started to understand. It made me happy for liking things I liked, not her. And she started to encourage me to be weird. I remember she bought me a dress that was a trench coat, not sure how she knew I wanted it but I loved it! She was really surprised about my over the top reaction ^^; eh, sorry mom! Didn’t meant to scare you! 

And this is when I met one of my first friends. It was near the end of school, in January.


	3. [Page 3]

I was wearing one normal clothing I had. A green sweatshirt. But my hair wasn’t normal at all. It was short back then and blue.

Even though I went to comic cons and cosplayed, I still stick to the sidelines with my mom. She was lost while I was running (slowly walking, observing everything in sight) around the vendors. I didn’t talk to others and when I did, it didn’t feel like we were friends or I knew them. They were still strangers. Sure, we both had a common interest and we’re both here but we aren’t there for eachother.

Back to the story that I started at the top of this page. It was lunch time and since it wasn’t raining or snowing out, I went outside to eat. The air was crisp as if any second the snow could dance upon us. The leaves were all crunchy and tried to decay into the solid icy ground. It didn’t work. I was eating, on the ground. My bum was freezing but I didn’t care. I had no emotions at the time. Just deep, drowning in isolation for the past year. Trying to take a breath but keep getting tug back under. And then out of no-where someone sat right beside me. A girl with pink hair pulled into a bunch. She sat right on the cold hearted ground, ignoring the sensation. My heart races, questions filled my head. My voice disappeared. Silent began to spawn between us. 

And then she spoke.

“You know, I was inspired by you to dye my hair pink! I mean blue totally suits you! Makes your eyes stand out. I was gonna dye my hair blue but thought, nah! That’s her colour! Yours is pink, dumb-ass!”

I just stared. I literally just stared. No words could be produced after that sentence because my mind is shocked. Who is this girl? Why is she here? She is in 10th grade and she’s already swearing?! 

“Well, that’s my cue to go!” She laughed nervously getting up. “Eh. Sorry for taking up your time….” 

no. No. She can’t go. Do something! My body was still as I watched her stand up. Frozen, paralyzed about how this girl sat beside me. I don’t even know what I’m feeling? I gotten so use to the feeling of being invisible that I forgot what it felt to be visible. To be known! My hand charged forward and grabbed her wrist. I could feel a tug.

“Don’t go.” I squeaked with fear intertwine with the soundwaves. Afraid of losing someone that I just met, loosing the feeling of being noticed. 

“What?” 

“Don’t leave me! I don’t want to be alone again....” As the meaning of words that formed that sentence entered her ears, she automatically went in for a hug.


	4. [Page 4]

Surprisingly, we became really close fast. We had the same interests: cosplaying, watching animes, drawing and singing badly on top our lungs! We also got each other to discover new things. She got me into cooking foreign cuisines and in return I showed her what LARPing was! It was tons of fun getting to know each other and watching the other friend explore brand new hobbies! We would go and make up crazy stories as we walked through life together! 

As we went our ways together, once and more often, Lex would mention a name, Ed. A name that I eventually met. I’ll get to that part later! I would smile at how happy Lex talks about him. How joyful she would describe the pictures he take. And then she suggested that we should do a cosplay photoshoot.

We were walking through the woods to my house. We use to go in the woods and search for paths that would take us home. It never worked and we would have to call our parents because it would get too dark to even see. But we’ve been doing this for years (sorta, okay 2-ish) by now. So, we know which way is the right way to go. Yes, it’s now 12th grade, last year of highschool . Lexi was balancing on a fallen tree, waving her arms like an airplane, in fact she was making airplane noises before this conversation.

“I’m serious! You’ll love him! He might seem like a grouchy-poo but he has a sense of humor once you get to know him!”

“I don’t know! I’m not good with others….” I responded softly. Lexi's body gravity toppled as she walks closer to the end of the tree log. 

“It's okay! I’ll be there and besides, he knows me!! If he can put up with my shit then he can put up with both of our shits!” She glowed. A faint smile appeared upon my face. 

“Okay. What shall we cosplay?” She jumped off the log in excitement.

He was taller than I expected and much quieter. I honestly not sure what I expected him to be. In the beginning I thought he and Lex was dating and my first initial reaction was to hate him. The photoshoot was actually really fun! We cosplayed as Tor and Roberta from Neopets: The Darkest Faerie! It’s not a common game but we loved playing it! We would take turns after one of us dies. Usually I end up blaming something silly and Lexi would give in and gives me another go. I don’t know why but we would always ship Tor with the blue lupe that spawns near the wishing well and the gold grass in Meridell! I can’t remember his name, I feel so sad about that. We would go on and on about their life and their kids, they would have two! But before that how they met wah…. I should get back to my story, eheheh. 

I dressed up as Tor and she dressed up as Roberta. We pose and re-pose as Ed clicked and re-position the camera. It was fun! We started to role-play that Ed was the Darkest Faerie and every time the camera was to flash, it was him…. Her? Firing dark magic at us! So, we would shield our self to deflect the dark magic right back at her! BAM DEAD! Ed didn’t die but his persona did, in our minds. At the end of the day, I didn’t hate him that much than I previously did. 

I soon learned out that Ed and Lexi aren’t dating nor had any romantic feeling for each other. Yep! Leave it to ol’ Scar to ask the awkward setting questions! And when I mean soon, I meant few months after meeting Ed. For some reason just the sheer possibility of those two together itched under my skin. It’s not like I hate either of them, well now I don’t hated either of them. Ed's a really good friend of mine and Lex has gain the role of best friend! I just couldn’t understand why I didn’t like that scenario. I mean if both of them were happy together, shouldn't I be happy for them? And that's where the sadness rolled back into my life. 

I just gotten off the bus. Lexi has been waiting for me as per-usual. These past weeks been slow and quiet. I’ve been in my head most of the time drowning of infinite possibilities and none was a scenario where I ended with a smile.

“Hey!” Lex called out she ran towards me.

“Hey.” I smiled weakly. We navigated to the lockers in silent, an unsettling environment. The bell rang and the hoard of school walkers went to their destination. As my feet started to bring to mine, someone gripped the back of my school bag.

“We’re gonna be late.” I stated to an un-happy Lexi. 

"Something’s wrong."

"Nothin’s wrong!” I argued. 

"Yes, there is! You’ve been different! Quiet! Quieter than Ed! What’s the matter? Can I help?"

"No, you can't because nothing's the matter."

"Scarlet! I don’t know what I should do in situations like this! I’ve never had a… a friend I cared about this much! And I never really been near sad people! I don’t know what to say? I’m not use to this. I want to make you happy but I can’t! And it's not a feeling I like! It makes me mad to see you like this! Like, do I need to kill someone? Did someone hurt you? I definitely will put my fist down someone’s throat if you need me too! Just say their name."

“It's nothing, I’ll be happy see!” My smile stretched out on my face.

"I don’t want you to be forcefully happy! I want you to be.... you! And this is not you!"

"Do you like him…."

"What?"

"Ed."

“What? Do.... do I like Ed?” She was hesitant to answer before she sensed the seriousness in my eyes. “Yeah but not like, like-like. I like him as a brother!”

"You don’t like him romantically?” My voice perked up.

“Of course not! He’s to quiet for my taste, I like the weird ones!” Her eyebrows did a wiggle and her eye did a wink. I laugh at how stupid she looked. "Why, do you like him?”

“W-what? No.”

“Okay, whatever you say~” She skipped away.

“No, I honestly don’t! Lex!” She stopped when my words entered her eyes. The gears in her mind clicked. She spun around and smiled at me like she knew something I didn’t.

Ed, Lex and I would all go to comic conventions as the years went on. Me and Lex dressed up in our favorite ship while Ed kept his eyes out for amazing cosplayers to take pictures of. It was so fun! Ed eventually made a blog that featured his incredible photography and us two a lot. And that’s how we became a lot closer. And perhaps too close for me.

Because before I knew it, I had fallen for my best friend. 

Oops.


End file.
